My 9 Lives in Scientology

The Bait

I think it is important, at this point, to explain more fully what it is about Scientology that appealed to me.  Every cult, no matter how sinister it seems, has something positive about it that is used as bait to attract people.  After all, if everything about a cult were negative, nobody would join.  I don't believe that it is human nature to be masochistic; people don't want to suffer the humiliation and degradation that is rampant in cults.  People join cults because they believe that the cult has something that will help them, in some way, to change some unwanted condition in their lives and to grow as a person so they can live happier and more fulfilling lives.

In Scientology, auditing is the bait used to attract people.  Auditing is a process that occurs between two people: the auditor (therapist or counselor) and the preclear ("PC", the person being audited).  The auditor's job is to ask the preclear a question, listen attentively to the answer the PC gives and acknowledge what the PC says, by saying "thank you", "good" or "ok" after the PC has answered.  The PC's job is to look into his own mind and answer the question.  One basic rule of auditing is that the auditor never evaluates for the PC, meaning that the auditor never tells the PC what he thinks the answer is to the question or how the PC should think.  Thus, the PC is encouraged to look within him/herself for answers, rather than relying on someone else to give the answers, promoting self determinism.  The premise behind auditing is that the answers lie within each of us and that we are fully capable of finding them.

I found this idea very empowering as well as mentally and spiritually stimulating.  What I didn't realize at the time, however, is that this idea of asking questions and getting answers is one that has been around for a very long time — it goes all the way back to the Greek philosophers and there are legitimate forms of psychotherapy that do not revolve around cults that are based on the same premise.  I thought that Hubbard had come up with something new and wonderful, as did many other people who were drawn into Scientology.

Hubbard claimed to be anti-authoritarian.  After all, we had only to look within ourselves to find the truth.  It was completely unnecessary to rely on any person who called himself an authority.  Any authority, that is, except him, and this is where all the contradictions come into play.  The Sea Org, Scientology's inner circle, is one of the most authoritarian groups imaginable.  Many people, such as myself, who were originally attracted to Scientology because it advocated independence and self-determinism later found ourselves living under a totalitarian dictatorship on a ship with L. Ron Hubbard at the helm.  Hubbard had said, "there are no absolutes", but the closer one gets to the inner core of Scientology, the more one discovers that Hubbard's authority is an absolute, never to be criticized or questioned.

If only I had known in these first few months what I know now.  If only I had known that any assertion of self-determinism that ran contrary to LRH's whims was severely punished.  If only I had known that the universe LRH created was one in which no one could be trusted; where "friends", even relatives, wrote up knowledge reports on one another.  If only I had known that L. Ron Hubbard's son, Quentin committed suicide after several earlier attempts because he found life under his father's control unbearable.  If only I had known that Hubbard had, in fact, created exactly the opposite kind of world to the one he promised us — that he betrayed everything he professed to value — that he betrayed and shattered the dreams of myself and many, many others.

If only I had known all this in January, 1971, when I took my first Scientology course, I would have run as far away and as fast as I could.  But destructive cults, such as Scientology don't tell you those things.  Deception is used to draw people in and then techniques of mind control are used to trap them and that is exactly what happened to me.

The idea of giving and receiving auditing appealed to me enormously.  In auditing, I saw tremendous potential really to make a difference in people's lives.  Many people involved in the arts are attracted to auditing because they feel that the process helps them to discover and realize their creative potential.  They have no idea that the price they ultimately pay is to become enslaved into a cult that stifles any possibility of being creative.  There are celebrities who are involved in Scientology, such as Pricilla Presley, Karen Black, John Travolta, Chick Corea and others who, I am sure, would disagree with me.  Even though these people have done many advanced courses, the powers that be in Scientology have made sure, for obvious PR purposes, that these celebrities never see the dark side of Scientology.  They are given very special treatment in centers set up just for them called Celebrity Centers.  When they are guests at Scientology organizations, such as the Fort Harrison Hotel in Clearwater, Florida, they get the best rooms and are served by uniformed waiters in an elegant dining room.  They are not shown the parking garage, where the backsliders in the Sea Org are sent to live, as punishment.  This is something that Priscilla Presley has never seen, you can be sure of that.  She and her daughter have never been locked up in the chain locker of a ship, something I witnessed happening to young people and others several times while I was aboard the Apollo.  She still sees Scientology as I saw it when I first joined and will never be allowed to see anything else, nor will she allow herself to believe written testimonies, such as mine.

In those early months, I saw Scientology as a group of very powerful, but gentle people who were working together to free people from their mental prisons and thus, to create a world without insanity or war where each person was granted dignity.  As the months passed and I became more indoctrinated, I decided that Scientology, and only Scientology, had the tools to create such a world.  I concluded that there was nothing more important than for me to be involved in Scientology.  By March, 1971, I had dropped out of college to become a full-time Scientologist.  One of my music teachers who I had been close to, Chris Tiemeyer, saw what was happening to me and became very concerned.  I "handled" him by pointing out that Sally Peck, principal violist of the Utah Symphony and a respected member of the community, was involved in Scientology and felt it had done her a lot of good.  (Sally was another example of a Scientology celebrity, on a local level.)  Even though Chris continued to have some reservations, I eventually got him and his wife to come into the center and get some auditing.  Neither of them got involved very deeply, however and their involvement was very brief.  I think they were just curious to see what all the fuss was about.

Meanwhile, I was in my "honeymoon" phase with Scientology and felt I was making new discoveries each day about the secrets of the universe.  It was exhilarating.  I felt that I was living out the purpose I had been seeking all my life.